Lies, damned lies and relationships
by Tinuviel Rose
Summary: Jane comes up with his craziest idea ever: trap Red John by using a new girlfriend as bait. Oddly enough, Lisbon agrees to go along with the plan - but only if she gets the part of Jane's girlfriend. Can this possibly end well?
1. Chapter 1

_Foreword:_

_I just want to state upfront that I don't really enjoy writing or reading angst. There's enough of that in the real world, thank you very much. Which makes it difficult to write about the Mentalist, since the basic premise is kind of depressing. The show does have a lot of humour and romantic tension though. I just wish they would hurry up and get Red John out of the way so Jane and Lisbon can be together. This is how I might do it._

xoxoxoxoxoxox

Lisbon pushed the expensive lamb dinner around her plate, her appetite half-hearted at best. She watched her date through half-lidded eyes. _He_ seemed to be perfectly at ease with the situation and had been completely charming and gracious all evening.

He touched her arm gently. She started, and looked around quickly to see if anyone in the restaurant noticed.

"Relax, Teresa. You've been as jumpy as a rabbit all day".

"I have not!" she objected.

He smiled condescendingly. "There's no need to be anxious, we have known each other a long time after all. This isn't much different to one of our late-night conversations at the office."

Lisbon frowned. "No, it is very different. And I think it is sensible to be a bit anxious, Jane, all things considered. This has got to be the most insane idea you've ever had."

"It can't be _that_ insane. You did agree after all."

"Don't remind me," Lisbon groaned. She took a small bite of her dinner and tried to look as if she were enjoying herself. She was at the most expensive Moroccan restaurant in Sacramento. With the devastatingly handsome and charming Patrick Jane, no less. Other women in the restaurant were casting jealous looks in her direction. Fools.

"Have I mentioned that you look exceptionally lovely tonight, Teresa?"

"Yes. Several times in fact." Lisbon self-consciously tugged at the hem of her little black dress. It kept riding up and showing more thigh than she anticipated. The plunging neckline wasn't much better. Jane, on the other hand, looked perfectly comfortable in a black three-piece suit.

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The crazy plan had been his idea, of course. They hadn't heard a peep out of Red John since Kristina's disappearance and everyone was feeling frustrated and demoralized. Jane's bright idea was to lay a trap. If Patrick started dating someone and moving on with his life, Red John would feel obliged to ruin it for him again. Presumably by kidnapping and/or killing the romantic interest. But if she were equipped with state-of-the-art tracking and recording technology, they might have a decent chance of catching him this time.

The lucky woman Jane dated would essentially be Red John bait. He had wanted to use a young blond agent from the narcotics department. Tough and ambitious, agent Perry would have jumped at the chance to be part of such a high profile case. But Lisbon would have none of it.

"_No way, Jane. You are not going to involve her in such a dangerous plan."_

"_But she would be perfect – she's very competent, but also single and attractive."_

_Lisbon glared him. "Hello, I'm single"_

"_Yes I know, but I couldn't possibly use you..."_

"_Why, because I'm not young and blond? Or do you doubt my abilities?"_

"_No, not at all. You're perfect." Jane gripped her arms earnestly. "But you mustn't risk yourself for me."_

_Lisbon pushed him away. "But you don't mind risking another agent instead? Forget it, Jane. Either you do this with me or not at all. You know I want to catch Red John almost as much as you do."_

Jane came around eventually, as Lisbon knew he would. He was desperate to make some kind of progress on the case. The next step was to get senior agent Hightower to agree to the plan. It turned out to be surprisingly easy to get her co-operation, perhaps because it would be unofficial and undercover. If they caught Red John, Hightower would get the glory. If things went horribly wrong, it would be unfortunate but no-one would know it was a CBI operation. There weren't even any rules prohibiting Lisbon from dating a consultant.

A week later, Lisbon received GPS implants under her skin and state-of-the art miniature electronic devices sewn into her underwear. She felt like a pedigree pooch getting micro-chipped. Some of them would work only when activated by her; one would transmit automatically if she was not conscious to stop it. Hightower spared no expense, though the money came out of the maintenance and furniture budget to keep it secret. Lisbon resigned herself to keeping her scruffy old chair and desk for another five years.

Cho, Rigsby and Van-Pelt were also informed but they still managed to look suitably surprised when Jane appeared at work one day carrying a dozen red roses, the first stage of their supposed romance.

_Lisbon smelled the subtle perfume of roses and looked up from her work in surprise. "What are those for?"_

"_These are for you, my dear" Jane stated the obvious. "Because you are the most amazing, gorgeous woman I know and it's time to acknowledge the fact that my feelings for you run deeper than friendship._

_Though she knew he was just acting the part, Lisbon couldn't help blushing. "Stop it, Jane. You're embarrassing me." She glanced at the windows to check if anyone was watching through the blinds._

_Jane perched on the edge of her desk, apparently enjoying her discomfort. "I'll leave if you agree to have dinner with me tonight."_

"_I thought you said you wouldn't seduce me over a meal?" she countered._

"_I'm seducing you now. The meal is just a bonus" he said playfully. He reached out and tucked a stray lock of hair behind Lisbon's ear, and then ran his fingers gently down the side of her neck. She shivered slightly and pulled away. _

"_Alright, alright, I'll have dinner with you"_

"_Wonderful" Jane beamed and left the roses on her desk. He whistled cheerfully as he left the office _

xoxoxoxoxoxox

Lisbon finished her meal and tried to relax. It was pure paranoia to assume Red John would be watching them right now, but at the same time, they couldn't assume he wasn't. The restaurant was intimately lit with shadows in every corner.

"Would you like some dessert, Teresa?" Jane pointed at the menu. "Strawberry cheesecake, perhaps?"

"Thanks Jane, but I'm kind of tired. Let's call it a night."

Jane winced and put down his napkin. "Please, Teresa. If we're going to be dating at least use my first name."

"Sorry, _Patrick._ Can we get out of here now?"

"Sure, if you're that anxious to get me into bed. Let's go." He grinned boldly and Lisbon had to resist the urge to slap him. But she couldn't help smiling in return.

"Bite me."

"If you like"

xoxoxoxoxoxox

Jane drove Lisbon home and walked her in the gathering darkness to the front door of her apartment. He seemed to hesitate as Lisbon unlocked the door.

"You know, we don't have to do this. If you're not sure," he said quietly.

Lisbon turned to face him. "Jane, I want to do this. I think it will work. It _has _to work."

A smile touched the corner of his mouth. "Patrick" he corrected.

"Whatever. Shut up and kiss me goodnight like a proper date" Lisbon commanded.

Jane obediently moved closer, a serious expression on his face. Lisbon closed her eyes and reminded herself that this was only an act, it didn't mean anything. Her heart apparently hadn't received the memo, since it was beating fast in anticipation. She felt a feather-light touch on her cheek. Her eyes flew open.

"That's not a _kiss_" she exclaimed.

"I didn't want to rush things" Jane said, a wounded expression on his face.

Lisbon instantly regretted complaining. She realised this must be difficult for him, even though it was just an act. He hadn't dated anyone since his wife died. "I understand," she said softly.

Lisbon turned to go inside but then Jane grasped her shoulder and pulled her into a tight embrace. She stiffened in surprise but then melted into his warm body, a welcome refuge from the chill night air. His lips pressed on hers, softly at first. She lost herself in the moment, feeling his mouth move against her own with growing urgency, the slight prickle of hair on his chin, the smooth masculine scent of his cologne.

They broke apart after a few minutes. "Do you think anyone was watching?" Lisbon whispered, glancing around at the other apartments.

"If not, there's always next time" Jane replied seriously. He was breathing heavily and Lisbon noticed she had mussed his hair somewhat.

There was an awkward pause. "So, I guess I'll see you at work tomorrow" Lisbon said finally.

"What, you're not inviting me in?" Jane said in mock disappointment.

She smacked him on the shoulder. "You wanted to take things slow, remember." She stepped into her apartment and turned to close the door. "Good night, Jane..Patrick."

"Good night Teresa."

Sleep did not come easy for Lisbon that night. Her apartment had a state-of-the-art security system including cameras, but that that was small comfort for someone aiming to be Red-John bait. She also kept replaying the kiss in her mind and felt guilty for enjoying it. Lisbon had always been a little bit attracted to Jane, who wouldn't be? It was easy to suppress those feelings when he was being a right pain-in-the-ass (which was most of the time). But when he turned on the charm he was an irresistible force of nature. She almost hoped Red John would show up soon, before things got out of hand.


	2. Chapter 2

_Foreword:_

_Thanks for the reviews :)_

_I promise I will actually finish this story. It's not going to be too long because I don't really have the patience for that. This chapter doesn't have any smut but it's coming later._

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Chapter 2

Jane parked down the road from Lisbon's apartment and stayed there for the rest of the night, watching the building vigilantly. He didn't leave until he saw her emerge still alive and well the next morning. He followed her car to the office feeling strangely elated, and not just from the sleep deprivation. Perhaps it was the anticipation of finally out-smarting Red John. He couldn't have hoped for a better partner in his plan than Lisbon. He worried for her safety of course but they had to believe that their precautions would be enough.

Jane walked into the bull-pen a few steps behind Lisbon and immediately noticed three sets of eyes on them. Lisbon turned around to see what they were staring at, and took in Jane's slightly rumpled appearance. He was still wearing the same suit as yesterday. She turned back to the rest of the team. "Do you need something?" She sounded irritated.

Rigsby ducked his head and pretended to be busy working. Cho just stared impassively. That left only Van-Pelt to ask the question. "Um…did you guys have a good evening?"

"Fine. It was fine." She stomped off to the kitchen, presumably to get some much-needed caffeine.

"I had a great evening, thanks for asking," Jane grinned at Van-Pelt. She looked a bit worried but smiled shyly in return.

Rigsby suddenly had a thought and whispered conspiratorially at Cho. "Dude! I think we won the office pool."

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Various cases kept them busy for the next few days. Jane and Lisbon had agreed to keep their pretend romance out of the office, it wouldn't have been believable if they flaunted it openly anyway. They decided to have a lunch date at one of the nicer cafes near the CBI building. On their way back to the office Jane spotted a familiar figure in an expensive suit walking towards them.

"Teresa! How nice to see you again." The man stopped and greeted Lisbon warmly. Tall and dark-haired, he cut a rather dashing figure with a hint of boyish charm.

"Mashburn," Lisbon acknowledge politely.

"Good to see you Walter," Jane clapped him on the shoulder, projecting an enthusiasm he didn't really feel. He observed their body language and noted that the billionaire was still very much interested in Lisbon, but she was decidedly lukewarm. He felt some satisfaction at that. He had encouraged them to get together, it was true, but that didn't mean he really wanted it to happen.

"What brings you here, Walter?" Jane asked pointedly.

Mashburn directed his answer at Lisbon. "I was doing business in the area and hoped to bump into the lovely agent Lisbon here. You didn't return my calls," he said pointedly.

"Sorry, I've been quite busy lately," she said briskly.

Jane decided to intervene. "Actually, Teresa and I are dating now," he said cheerfully, putting his arm around her waist.

"Really?" asked Mashburn. Lisbon hesitated but nodded, and his face fell in disappointment. "I wouldn't have thought it possible. Still, if things don't go well you know how to contact me…" he added hopefully.

Jane and Lisbon watched him get back into his silver sports car and drive away. Lisbon turned to him angrily. "What did you do that for?"

"What? You weren't planning to see him again anyway," Jane said innocently.

"You don't know that! I might have" she countered.

"So you were planning to cheat on me? That _is _naughty".

"We've only been on two dates, Jane. Two!" Lisbon growled at him. "And if you act like an ass there won't be any more."

She walked off and left him standing there. Jane watched her go and wondered how such a fiery personality fit in such a small cute package. Then he wondered what she would do to him if he voiced that thought. It wouldn't be pretty.

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Jane waited for Lisbon to notice him. She stared intently at her computer screen, biting her lower lip. "I'm busy, Jane," she said without looking up.

"But I brought your favourite coffee," he pleaded, placing the takeaway cup on her desk. She looked at it and her expression softened.

"Thanks." She picked up the cup and inhaled, smiling in appreciation. "I'm sorry about earlier. I really wasn't planning to see Walter again."

"Aha!" Jane pointed at her. "So you _did _go out with him. I knew it." Lisbon nodded but Jane's curiosity was not yet satisfied. "You slept with him, didn't you?"

The rising colour in her cheeks told him all he needed to know. "That's none of your business!" she exclaimed.

"I know, I know. Just tell me one thing – did you have fun?" he asked innocently.

"Get lost, Jane."

"Oh wait, I came in here to ask you out to dinner tomorrow night". Lisbon grabbed her stapler so he ducked out the door for safety. "I'll take that as a maybe?" There was a crash as the stapler hit the door where he had been standing a moment before.

Cho watched from his desk with interest. "I take it things aren't going well between you two?"

"No, we're just fine." Jane frowned. "Why would you say such a thing?"

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	3. Chapter 3

_Foreword_

_Wow, lots of reviews already! More chapters coming soon. I haven't done much proof-reading so I hope there aren't too many glaring errors._

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It didn't take long for Jane to win Lisbon over again. She wanted to proceed with the plan as much as he did, so she only held out for one more cup of coffee before forgiving him. He also gave her a sweet little love note which made her blush every time she read it. Surely her eyes didn't really "sparkle like emeralds". It was ridiculous.

Jane offered to take her out to dinner again but Lisbon was tired so they agreed to cook dinner at her place. She left work half an hour earlier than normal in order to do a quick clean and change before he arrived.

Lisbon stood in front of her wardrobe wearing only a towel. She wondered what would be appropriate attire for a date at home. In the end she settled for a silky green casual top and black pants. She didn't bother putting on her best lingerie because obviously there would be none of _that_ happening tonight. Jane just had to spend a few hours at her apartment to keep up appearances.

He turned up at her doorstep carrying a bag full of groceries. "Good evening, my dear. You look lovely tonight. That top really brings out your eyes."

"Thanks," she said self-consciously. "You look…the same as usual. Don't you ever wear casual clothes?"

Jane glanced down at his grey three-piece suit. "I suppose not. But I could, for you," he offered graciously.

"Never mind. Come in."

The bag of groceries contained salmon steaks and a variety of herbs, vegetables and other ingredients. Lisbon surveyed it uncertainly. "I don't think I would know what to do with all this stuff," she said, picking up a bundle of long-stemmed greens.

"Don't worry, you don't need to lift a finger," Jane reassured her. He bustled around finding pots and pans and was soon busy cooking like a master chef.

"Is there anything you can't do?" Lisbon said plaintively, feeling out-classed in her own kitchen.

Jane grinned. "I can't chase down and apprehend criminals." He lifted a spoon out of the saucepan he was stirring and held it out to Lisbon. "Here, try this sauce."

She cautiously sipped the creamy sauce and was pleasantly surprised to find it tangy and fragrant but not overpowering. "Mmm…" She closed her eyes to savour the taste and was surprised when Jane leaned in and kissed her gently.

She broke it off first and whispered, "in here?" She meant, was possible that Red John could somehow be watching them inside her home?

"You never know," he said softly.

Lisbon found it a rather disquieting thought that Red John could potentially have surveillance inside her home. She also thought it rather unlikely. But it wouldn't hurt to play along. She pulled Jane's head down and kissed him again. Then, while he was distracted, snatched the wooden spoon out of his hand.

"Hey, I need that!"

"Use something else," Lisbon said, dancing out of reach. She licked the rest of the sauce off the spoon.

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The meal was amazing, as Lisbon expected it would be. The salmon steaks melted in her mouth and the vegetables were perfectly steamed. After dinner Jane insisted on rinsing the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher. Lisbon was in charge of entertainment so she turned on the television and checked out the movie channels.

"What are we watching?" Jane asked, flopping on the couch. He had taken off his jacket and shoes and rolled up his shirt sleeves.

"How about _Hot Tub Time Machine,_" Lisbon suggested.

"Really?"

"The other options are _The Evil Dead_ and _Twilight Moon_".

"Hot tub it is then," Jane conceded amicably. "Since I know you don't like horror movies or melodramatic teen angst."

"It's not fair that you know so much about me," Lisbon complained. "I don't know what kind of movies _you_ like."

"Oh, they're all the same to me. So long as I'm watching it with you I'm happy." He leaned back and patted the couch next to him.

Lisbon smiled slightly. "Don't get soppy on me, Patrick." She dimmed the lights and sat where he indicated. Jane put his arm around her as the movie started and she nestled into his side. It felt so natural she almost forgot they weren't really a couple. This was far more enjoyable than most undercover operations, although admittedly the stakes were higher.

"This is a really bad movie," Jane said after fifteen minutes.

"I know," Lisbon murmured contentedly.

Jane looked down at her for a moment. "You think John Cusack is hot."

"Do not"

"Do too"

"Do not"

"Do – ouch!" he exclaimed as Lisbon poked him in the ribs.

The implied threat of physical violence kept Jane quiet for a while. But she could tell he wasn't really watching the movie. He kissed the top of her head and inhaled deeply. "Your hair smells so good," he commented. He ran his fingers through her long dark hair. "I always wondered what it would feel like."

"I'm surprised you managed to restrain yourself this long then," Lisbon said wryly.

"Me too," agreed Jane. "What do you think you would have done if I started playing with your hair in the office though?"

"It would have ended with violence," she admitted.

"That's what I thought."

Lisbon wriggled around until she was facing him. "Am I really so predictable, then?"

"Not quite as predictable as death and taxes," he teased.

Lisbon decided to kiss him again. Partly to prove she wasn't so predictable and partly because it was dark and late and her judgement was impaired by the wine they had with dinner.

"Mmfh" Jane protested as she pushed him over, lips still locked. Then he responded enthusiastically and they lay on the couch making out like a pair of teenagers. That image suddenly seemed amusing to Lisbon and she started giggling uncontrollably.

Jane pulled back, looking confused. "What's so funny?"

"This whole situation," she snorted, still lying on top of him "Who would have thought you and I would be _dating_."

"Most of the CBI, apparently."

"Oh." Lisbon was nonplussed.

"Don't pretend you never thought about it. I am quite charming, after all."

"And modest," she replied sarcastically.

"And you are a very intoxicating woman. No-one could blame me for falling for you," Jane continued.

There was an awkward silence. Lisbon suddenly felt self-conscious. She knew Jane was a very good actor but it was difficult to tell if he was faking it or actually meant what he said. She didn't want to think about what it would mean if the feelings were real. Better to play it safe.

She rolled off Jane and sat up. The ending credits were now rolling across the television and she didn't even remember what happened in the movie. "It's getting kind of late," she said hesitantly.

"I know, you think I should go now." Jane sighed and got up.

"Thanks for dinner, it was great," Lisbon said truthfully. She waited while he put on his shoes and then followed him to the door. While his hand was on the door knob she noticed something. His wedding ring was gone. Jane noticed her noticing.

"It seemed inappropriate," he said softly, "considering the situation."

"I'm sorry," was all Lisbon could say.

"Don't be. She'd understand." He gave her a quick goodnight peck on the cheek and then was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

Forward:

Ok so it's been 3 weeks since the last update, sorry about that. I get disillusioned easily when the story doesn't turn out as well as I hoped. But I'm trying again to finish it.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Chapter 4

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

The days passed quickly and Jane and Lisbon fell into an easy routine. They had dinner together every other night, and frequently spent the weekends together too. Jane looked forward to their dates, but not just because he enjoyed Lisbon's company. When she wasn't in his sight he worried she might be taken by Red John. That was the whole point of the plan, of course, but it still made him anxious. Each time he saw her beautiful face, even after just a few hours apart, he felt a rush of relief.

Jane checked his watch and sighed. He was waiting in the car again. Lisbon and Cho were checking checking out an old warehouse, looking for a possible suspect in their latest case. They had been gone a whole ten minutes and Jane was getting anxious. And bored. He stepped out of the car and wandered around the side of the warehouse. It was well past dinner time and getting dark.

He found Lisbon around the back. She was standing on a beer crate and peering in a broken window with her flashlight. Jane walked up behind her and tried to see inside the window too. Unfortunately Lisbon chose that moment to step back down. She landed heavily on his foot and stumbled.

"Hey…" Jane tried to catch her. He encountered an energetic combination of elbows and heels as Lisbon twisted and wrestled him to the ground.

"Lisbon, it's me!"

She paused, still pinning him to the ground with one knee. Her face was obscured by shadow. "Jane? I told you to wait in the car!" She hissed.

Suddenly there was a creaking sound behind them and a furtive figure dashed out of the warehouse.

"Crap," muttered Lisbon. She jumped to her feet and sprinted after him.

Jane picked himself up and gingerly checked for injuries. Then he jogged around the side of the building just in time to see Lisbon tackle their fugitive further down the street. Cho appeared from another exit and helped subdue the man. Jane hung back and tried to look suitably abashed but from Lisbon's glare he knew he'd hear more about it later.

He was right.

"Jane, you have to stop following me everywhere," Lisbon complained as she drove them home for dinner. Jane was turning into her personal shadow. It seemed like every time she looked up he was there, watching her. He had always been nosy of course, but now he was taking it to a whole new level. Not that she minded having him around, but he did get in the way sometimes.

"I was just worried about you," he replied in a hurt voice.

"Well, don't. I can take care of myself." She tried not to to let her own anxiety show in her voice. She had been on edge for weeks now, checking every face and every corner for potential threats. Was Red John going to come after her or not?

Jane was quiet for a while and seemed subdued. He sighed and fidgeted as if he wanted to say something but then didn't.

"What?" Lisbon asked impatiently.

"Nevermind," he replied, annoyingly mysterious as ever.

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Jane tried to make it up to Lisbon by cooking her another gourmet meal and being on his best behaviour all evening. But she seemed uncharacteristically quiet and thoughtful.

"Patrick…" she said hesitantly as they sat on the couch watching tv.

"Yes, my cupcake?"

Her face crinkled as if she couldn't decide whether to laugh or scowl. "Don't call me that."

"Sorry, do continue."

"Well, we've been dating for four weeks now."

"Yes, I know," Jane replied. He wondered why she was suddenly nervous.

"I was wondering if you would…stay the night." Lisbon said in a rush.

Jane nodded thoughtfully. He had also been thinking that would be the next logical step, but hadn't wanted to suggest it himself. Not because he was worried about suffering further bodily harm, but because it would have been presumptuous. Lisbon had probably come to the same conclusion that he did, that Red John might be waiting for things to get serious before acting.

"Well?" she asked impatiently.

"Of course I will. What man could refuse such an offer?" he grinned.

"Behave yourself or I might change my mind," she snapped.

Still smiling, Jane put his arm around Lisbon and kissed her gently. He felt her prickliness melt away as she responded to his touch. He knew her short temper was just an act, a defense against hurt feelings. Teresa Lisbon was sweet and soft on the inside and only he got to see that side of her.

Red John was the last thing on Lisbon's mind as she was soundly and thoroughly kissed by Patrick Jane. Damn the man, why did he have to make her feel so good? Even the way he was stroking her arm was unbelievably erotic. She had no doubt that he would be very good in bed. Lisbon's face flushed at that thought and she wondered if he assumed they would both sleep in her bed. Should she offer to make up the couch for him? Just how far was he willing to take this charade? How far was she willing to take it?

Jane drew back, his hair thoroughly mussed. "Can I use that spare toothbrush from the cupboard?" he asked.

Lisbon got up and fetched the un-opened toothbrush, not bothering to ask how he knew what was in cupboard. She also gave him a towel and let him use the main bathroom while she showered in her ensuite. She emerged a while later to find Jane already in her bed. Well, that answered that question.

"Nice outfit," he quipped, leaning back on the pillows.

She was wearing one of her brother's old football jerseys. It came down to mid-thigh and was much more comfortable to sleep in than satin or lace. From what Lisbon could see, Jane didn't appear to be wearing anything. At least not on his top half. His tanned chest contrasted with her white sheets. How did he get a tan anyway?

"Come on, I won't bite," he said, patting the bed beside him.

Determined not to show any sign of embarrassment, Lisbon hopped into the bed beside him and turned out the light. She lay stiffly on the edge of the bed, wondering what he would do next. But he didn't make a move towards her.

"Good night, Teresa."

"You too, Patrick."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Jane lay in the dark, listening to Lisbon breathe slower and slower as she eventually fell asleep. He knew she felt awkward about the situation. He felt awkward too. But he expected they would soon get used to it. They were just friends sharing a bed and pretending to date.

Jane woke up some time later and realised he had fallen asleep too. That was unexpected. The first light of dawn was already creeping through the blinds. Also unexpected was the weight of Lisbon's head on his shoulder and her arm draped across his chest. She was still sound asleep. He smiled to himself and sniffed her hair. Strawberries again.

Lisbon sighed in her sleep and nuzzled his neck. Jane started to put his arm around her but then stopped himself. Damn it, there was only so much temptation a man could take. He tried to gently extract himself without waking her but she whimpered in protest. Her hand slipped down to his boxer shorts. Jane froze. He picked up the arm and put it safely back on his chest. A few seconds later the hand moved down again. He lifted the arm again and rolled right out of the bed.

"Wha..?" she asked sleepily.

"Don't worry, just go back to sleep."

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Lisbon awoke to the smell of freshly brewed coffee. Sunlight streamed in the open window and she sat up in confusion.

"Good morning, sunshine." Jane walked in fully dressed and carrying a breakfast tray containing coffee, an omelette, and fresh fruit. That explained the delicious smell.

"You made this all for me?" she asked.

"Of course. I believe it is traditional in this situation."

"Um, thanks. Now hand over the coffee please."


	5. Chapter 5

_Forward:_

_Ok, this chapter is for everyone who asked for smut. Don't say I didn't warn you._

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Chapter 5

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Teresa Lisbon was, to put it bluntly, frustrated. She shared her bed with a gorgeous man almost every other night, but she couldn't _sleep_ with him. One time she accidently walked into the bathroom and saw him completely naked. He didn't bat an eyelid but she found it impossible to get the image out of her head. Even when he didn't stay the night, the sheets still smelled of him. And she couldn't date anyone else either. She wasn't like Jane, able to focus all her energy on a single goal of revenge for years on end. She had _needs_, damn it. She found herself checking out the young man who brought over her lunch. Tall, broad-shouldered, athletic...he wasn't blond but still attractive. The city suddenly seemed to be full of handsome men who were off limits.

"You seem pre-occupied," Jane observed from across the table.

Lisbon flushed, wondering how much he could read from her face. "I'm just thinking about the case," she said shortly.

Jane almost certainly knew she was lying but oddly enough, didn't pick her up on it.

"I found a new recipe I thought we could try tonight," he said amiably. "Marinaded lamb shanks with mango and pine-nuts."

Lisbon bit her lip. That did sound delicious. But she didn't think she could trust herself to be alone with him in her current state of mind. "Actually, I was thinking of having a quiet evening to myself tonight."

Jane's face fell. "No problem, some other time then."

He didn't ask if she was alright, and Lisbon was glad about that. Otherwise she would have had to lie again. They ate their meal and spent the rest of the time talking about work.

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The rest of Lisbon's team couldn't help but notice their boss was in a bad mood. She told Rigsby off for spilling taco sauce on some paperwork, and was similarly short with Van-Pelt.

Cho waited until Lisbon was safely in her office before coming over to Jane's couch. He stood, glaring, hands on hips. "What did you do?"

"Me? I didn't do anything," Jane replied. Why did they always assume things were his fault?

Cho watched Lisbon through the window for a few moments. She was pounding away on the keyboard and glaring at a helpless computer screen.

"Maybe it was something you _didn't_ do then. Would you please figure it out, for all our sakes?" He stomped back to his desk, very un-Cho-like behaviour. Waiting for Red John to make a move was apparantly taking a toll on everyone.

Jane lay back down and thought about what he wasn't doing for Lisbon. He saw the way she had looked at that waiter. And the way she looked at him. Their fake relationship wasn't easy for her, and they never really considered how long it might take. Perhaps it was time to give it up. But as he thought of that option, his mind shied away from it. Not only was this their best chance of trapping Red John, but he also _enjoyed _being with Teresa. He liked making her smile. If only they could deal with the physical attraction, it would be much easier.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Jane came prepared but didn't really have a plan as he approached Lisbon's apartment that evening. Normally he was the master of intricate plans but he just couldn't think of one that help in this case. So he decided to just wing it.

Lisbon opened the front door wearing only her favourite football jersey, the one which showed off an alarming amount of leg.

"Jane! I told you I wanted to be alone tonight," she said grumpily.

"I just came to see if you were ok," he replied.

"Well, as you can see I'm _fine_."

"Yes, you are." He admired her bare legs rather obviously.

"Patrick, if you don't leave now, so help me..."

Jane realised things were only going to deteriorate if he kept talking, so he tried kissing her instead. She responded with an agressiveness that surprised him. It wasn't like their usual pretend-kisses, which were gentle and friendly. She pulled him into her apartment and kicked the door shut. Then she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him until they were both out of air.

Jane prided himself on his highly developed, rational mind. But it wasn't rational thought which prompted him to pull Lisbon down onto the couch. Nor was there any logic involved in the way he trailed kisses down her neck.

He slipped one hand under her shirt and caressed the soft skin of her hip. Lisbon responded by attacking the buttons on his shirt. Suddenly she stopped.

"What are we doing?" Lisbon whispered in his ear.

"Something we both want to do," he replied confidently, in between kissing her collarbone.

But Lisbon wasn't satisfied with that answer. "So this is a kind of with-benefits arrangement?"

"If you like."

Lisbon stood up and Jane was suddenly afraid he had mis-read her. But then she took hold of his arm and pulled him towards the bedroom. As usual, Lisbon was taking charge of the situation.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Lisbon had just finished dinner when she heard a knock on the door. Dinner was leftover beef and wine casserole from the last time Jane cooked for her. Their fake relationship may be unsatisfying but even when she was alone she couldn't get him out of her head. She was not pleased to find the subject of her frustration appear at her front door. Again. When he flirted with her she just about lost it.

"Patrick, if you don't leave now, so help me...". She wasn't sure whether she was threatening violence or something else. But she was tired of having something dangled in front of her that she couldn't have.

When Jane kissed her she didn't hold anything back. Lisbon soon realised he wasn't holding back either. Could it be that he was as frustrated as she was? She suggested the benefits thing because it seemed a more palatable and more realistic explanation than the alternative. The alternative being the possibility of a real relationship. Because that was out of the question so long as Red John was out there. But so long as they were pretending to be lovers, what did it matter if the sex at least was real?

Jane didn't seem to be objecting to the idea. The couch was rather uncomfortable and exposed so she made an executive decision to move things into the bedroom.

Lisbon closed the bedroom door and turned to face Jane. He seemed less confident now, nervous even. She unbuttoned his shirt slowly, folding the stiff fabric away from his smooth chest. She pulled her own shirt off in one fluid movement. She put her arms around Jane and they stood skin against skin.

"I _warned _you not to come tonight," she informed him.

"I wanted to come," he replied simply. He kissed her forehead, then lifted his hands to stroke the soft skin of her breasts. She moaned and arched her back to press against him. There were still far too many clothes between them. Lisbon pushed him forcefully back onto the bed and straddled him to work on getting his pants off.

"Hey, take it easy," Jane protested. "I'm not some criminal you need to restrain."

Lisbon paused. "Really? Because I'm sure I can think of a least a dozen laws you've broken in the last year alone." Zipper now undone, she yanked his pants completely off.

"Minor technicalities, my dear."

Clad only in boxer shorts and socks, Jane reached up and pulled Lisbon down on the bed with him. She squeaked in surprised as he rolled on top and pinned her down. Lisbon knew she could easily reverse their positions again but she liked his weight on her. And she liked the way he was now kissing and stroking every inch of her body. When he got to the waistband of her panties she was sure she would spontaneously combust from the heat concentrated in her groin.

He slowly pulled her panties down, the slightest touch of his fingertips causing burning sensations on her skin. Lisbon suddenly wished she had worn lacy, femininine underwear rather than plain white cotton. She hadn't been expecting intimate company.

"So beautiful," Jane whispered.

He leaned down to resume kissing the exposed skin and pushed her legs apart. Lisbon gasped as his fingers brushed her throbbing core. Then she felt his tongue dip between her folds. Her back arched and she called out his name, demanding more. For once he actually did as she asked, and she experienced wave after wave of pleasure.

Time seemed to stand still as Lisbon was reduced to a lump of jelly under Jane's skilled attention. She didn't even notice when he took his boxer shorts off. But he was kneeling before her, fully erect, with a condom already on. Where on earth did that come from? Lisbon didn't really care at this stage. He looked into her eyes as he positioned himself and entered her in a single thrust. He was vigorous but not too forceful, and soon they were moving in unison.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Jane awoke from a surprisingly pleasant dream to an even more pleasant reality. Morning sunlight was streaming in the windows and Lisbon had his penis in her mouth. She was swirling her tongue around and causing very pleasurable sensations.

"Good morning," he said cheerfully.

Lisbon lifted her head and smiled coolly. "Good morning."

"So, uh, to what do I owe this pleasure?" he asked carefully.

"Well, this part of you was already awake and looking for more action, so I thought I would oblige" she explained.

Jane sighed as her hands picked up where her mouth had left off.

"Patrick?"

"...yes?" he said with some difficulty.

"You brought condoms with you last night. Did you plan for this to happen?" Lisbon demanded.

"Uh..no?"

Lisbon squeezed a sensitive spot and it was like exquisite pleasure and pain combined. "Why don't I believe you?"

"Alright, alright," he exclaimed as she tightened her grip. "I knew you were feeling..unsatisfied...and I wanted to fix that".

"You felt sorry for me?" Lisbon said in dismay. She removed her hands and Jane felt a stab of disappointment.

"No, not at all," he insisted. "I felt the same, I just hid it better."

Jane sat up and kissed her passionately to prove his point. He felt the indignation melt out of her body as she accepted his answer.

Unfortunately the alarm clock chose that moment to announce its presence.

"Time to get up," Lisbon said brightly. She bounced off the bed and headed for the shower.

Jane suddenly realised he had been abandoned. He groaned and steeled himself for a cold shower. Alone.


	6. Chapter 6

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Chapter 6

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

"Ow, be careful Teresa."

"Stop being such a baby and walk by yourself then." Lisbon led Jane out of the CBI elevator. He was limping dramatically and leaning on her for support.

"I'm not being a baby. In fact, I should get a medal for being injured in the line of duty."

"What happened?" gasped Van-Pelt. She got up from her desk and rushed to help hold him up.

"I was stabbed in the leg," said Jane.

"With a _Barbie doll," _Lisbon added, rolling her eyes.

"The weapon was a Barbie doll?" Van-Pelt was amused.

"Yes. They have sharp, pointy bits you know." Jane protested.

"Serves you right for trying to question a little girl without her parents in the room," Lisbon said smugly.

"Little or not, that child is a dangerous psychopath."

Lisbon stopped suddenly, causing Jane to stumble and wince. "Oh my god, are those for me?" On her desk was a huge bouquet of deep red roses, arranged with sprays of Baby's Tears and copious lengths of silk ribbon.

"Yes, it was delivered an hour ago," Van-Pelt smiled knowingly at Jane. "Aren't they beautiful?"

Lisbon was not usually impressed by traditional romantic gestures but even she had to admit the bouquet was impressive. However, when she looked at Jane she immediately knew something was wrong.

"Those aren't from me," he said, looking startled.

"They aren't? Well, it is Valentine's day, maybe you have another admirer…" Van-Pelt said hesitantly.

"Mashburn," Lisbon sighed. She moved closer to look for a card but suddenly Jane pulled her back. "Get someone to check it out first," he insisted.

Lisbon looked at him in surprise. "You think it could be dangerous? It must have come through security already."

"I don't care," said Jane. "You mustn't touch it."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

A few hours later Jane, Lisbon and Hightower stood around a table in the forensics lab. Lisbon's bouquet looked decidedly less impressive after being dissected, tested, and analysed.

"You were right," Lisbon said in shock. She held a red card in a plastic evidence bag. The card read:

_Dear Teresa_

_Have a lovely Valentine's day and give my regards to Patrick._

_R.J._

"Red John." Jane said unnecessarily.

"But, why?" Lisbon asked. "There's no bomb, no poison, nothing dangerous here at all. Why would he just send me a bunch of roses?"

"He's toying with us. Letting us know he knows."

"I'm going to step up security," said Hightower. "Including 24-hour surveillance on both of you."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

They were unable to trace who paid for the roses, since they were paid for with cash on the busiest day of the year for florists.

Jane and Lisbon went home to her apartment that evening. Lisbon didn't even feel embarrassed that the surveillance team would see Jane stay the night at her place. Their supposed relationship was common knowledge by now.

Lisbon worried about Jane. He was very pensive and barely said a word to her since they found the roses. She climbed into bed and put her arms around him in the darkness.

"It's alright," she whispered in his ear. "Our plan is working. It might be all over soon."

"I know," he whispered back. He kissed her then, and made love to her with exquisite gentleness. Afterwards, Lisbon lay in the dark and tried and tried to stop the tears from falling. She wasn't afraid of being hurt or killed by Red John. She was afraid of what would happen if they actually caught him. Even though their relationship was fake, she didn't want to give Jane up.


	7. Chapter 7

_Sorry about the slow update again! It's been such beautiful weather and I went to Hot Water Beach, Coromandel for my summer holiday. I did some diving and surfing and had an interesting wildlife encounter which I might use in the next story._

_Thanks for following!_

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Chapter 7

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Jane and Lisbon sat on the uncomfortable leather chairs in Hightower's office. Lisbon watched nervously as her boss closed the door and the blinds. She didn't know why they had been summoned here. She mentally replayed all the rules Jane had broken, all people he had annoyed, to help solve their most recent case. She couldn't think of anything that would deserve a private reprimand. She glanced at Jane. He wore an innocent expression but that didn't really count for much.

"This room was swept for bugs just half an hour ago. We can talk freely," Hightower informed them coolly.

"What did you want to talk about, ma'am?" Lisbon ventured.

"This operation," Hightower gestured at the two of them. "This has been going on for six months now and you're still no closer to catching Red John."

Lisbon was surprised to realise she was right. It _had_ been six months. After the flowers they had expected an attack of some kind but nothing ever eventuated. Since then, Jane had been practically living permanently at her apartment. Despite the risk, Lisbon had never been happier. But it was foolish to expect the situation to continue forever.

"He might still try something," she objected. But that sounded lame even to her ears. She looked to Jane for support but he avoided her gaze. Maybe he was getting tired of the arrangement.

"No," Hightower said finally. "If Red John was going to take the bait he would have done it by now. It's time to end this."

Lisbon felt a wave of disappointment. How could they go back to the way they were before? But she knew she would survive, as she always did. She was more worried about Jane. This operation had been a last-ditch attempt to get some closure for him, but they failed.

"How do you suggest we end it?" Jane asked seriously. Lisbon was surprised at his nonchalance, and a little hurt. But he was a master at hiding his real emotions, and she knew better than to assume there were none.

Hightower shrugged. "Have a fight and break up the way most people do. It shouldn't be too hard to find something to argue about," she said pointedly.

Lisbon winced. Their arguments did tend to be rather loud, and they frequently drew an audience in the CBI office. He was just so _infuriating_ sometimes. But as she looked at his adorable face and floppy blond hair; she couldn't summon any anger at the moment.

"Yes ma'am," she replied woodenly.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Jane had known immediately why Hightower called them into her office. She had that look about her, of someone who was about to deliver bad news. She never had that expression when simply reprimanding him.

Lisbon looked anxious, as she always did when caught in the spotlight of Hightower's attention. He tried to reassure her with a smile but she just frowned suspiciously.

Jane had been thinking along the same lines as Hightower for weeks now. Red John just didn't seem to be interested taking the bait. But when Hightower gave the order to end it, Lisbon looked devastated. She tried to hide it of course, but she obviously wasn't ready to give up. And neither was he.

He impatiently waited for the meeting to end and then told Lisbon he had an errand to run and would be out of the office for a while. He forced himself to ignore the hurt look in her eyes. He would make things right later.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Jane sauntered back into the office at 4pm, whistling cheerfully. Lisbon didn't need to pretend to be annoyed. She had been nurturing her irritation all afternoon and that would hopefully make a difficult task slightly easier.

"Where have you been?" she demanded. "I've been trying to call you for hours."

"I was busy," he replied mildly.

"Busy? Doing what?" her voice rose an octave. "We were supposed to be in court at one o'clock. The DA had to postpone the trial and is royally pissed."

"Oh," Jane looked genuinely surprised. "I forgot about that. Sorry."

"This is just like you Jane. You have no regard or consideration for the justice system or your colleagues."

An audience was gathering outside the bullpen but Lisbon didn't care. The more people who heard the break-up, the less she would have to explain later.

"Some of us had to work hard to get to where we are today. But _you_ come in whenever you feel like it, create a big mess for me to clean up, and are then _too busy to _show up when you're really needed!"

Lisbon held on tight to her anger because without it, she was afraid she would burst into tears. And she hadn't cried since the day her mother died.

Jane interrupted before she could continue ripping into him. "I was busy getting you this," he said meekly. He held up a little velvet-covered box.

Lisbon stared it, her mouth frozen open. The people outside the bullpen pressed up against the glass to see what Jane was holding. He opened the box and got down on one knee.

"Teresa Lisbon, would you do me the honour of marrying me?"

Lisbon stared at the diamond ring in confusion. She hadn't personally experienced many break-ups before but was pretty sure they weren't supposed to involve a marriage proposal.

"Are you _insane?" _she said shrilly.

Lisbon felt like she was being suffocated, she had to get out of the room. She left him kneeling on the floor and ran for the doorway, pushing people out of the way. No-one was brave enough to stop her.

Jane watched her leave, disappointed. Cho came over and pulled the blond man to his feet, then led him to his couch. "Sorry, man," he said gruffly. "But did you _really_ think that was going to go well?"

"Perhaps I should have chosen a more romantic location," Jane agreed forlornly.

The onlookers melted away, leaving Jane and the team alone. Van-Pelt fetched him a cup of tea and squeezed his shoulder comfortingly.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Jane found her at Discovery Park at sunset. She sat on a bench and watched the river, her face expressionless.

"I was worried about you," he said, sitting down beside her.

"You needn't have been. I left my phone's GPS on," she replied. Even when she was upset, Lisbon was responsible enough to make sure people could find her if they needed to.

"I suppose it's only fair that you didn't answer when I called."

"You're right about that."

Jane sighed. Lisbon seemed determined not to look at him. "I wasn't joking, you know. I really am asking you to marry me."

"Why?"

"You know why."

"No, I don't. Spell it out for me please."

"Well, this could be our last chance of drawing him out." Jane whispered.

Lisbon frowned and said nothing.

"Look, we don't have to actually go through with it. We can announce the engagement, plan the wedding, but call it off at the last minute if it doesn't work."

Jane thought that would reassure her, but he was wrong. Lisbon just crossed her arms and looked more upset.

"Would you rather break up, like Hightower said to?"

She paused and shook her head.

"You would miss my cooking, wouldn't you? You don't want to go back to eating awful takeout food after getting used to my cooking," he said cheerfully.

Lisbon smiled slightly. "You're right. I would miss that…among other things"

"So you'll do it then?" Jane happily fished around in his pocket for the ring.

"Wait, I haven't agreed to anything yet," Lisbon insisted. But there was no stopping Jane. He found the ring and then got down on one knee on the grass in front of her.

"Teresa, will you _please_ marry me?"

He looked up at her with his most hopeful puppy-dog eyes. Behind him, the setting sun lit up the river with shades of purple and gold. A warm breeze rustled through the trees and carried the scent of gardenias. It was an improvement on the earlier proposal.

"What about Hightower?" Lisbon asked.

"What about her," Jane dismissed. "She can't dictate what you do with your personal life."

"I guess not. But I don't think the CBI would pay for a wedding," Lisbon informed him.

"I'll pay for it. Now, quit stalling and answer the question please."

She had always found it difficult to say no to him when he turned on the charm. They had come this far, so why not take the act all the way?

"Alright, I'll marry you," she replied, albeit with plenty of reservations.

Jane slid the ring onto her finger and then kissed her happily. Lisbon couldn't help but grin at his infectious enthusiasm. Maybe they were both insane, but who cared.

They sat on the park bench until the sun set and then Jane walked her back to her car. "So, when do I get to meet your brothers?" he asked cheerfully.

Lisbon stopped. "Oh crap, I didn't think of that."


	8. Chapter 8

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Chapter 8

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Lisbon soon discovered that Grace Van-Pelt was a closet wedding fanatic. When she turned up to work the next morning wearing the ring, the younger woman shrieked loudly enough to bring security running. After Van-Pelt calmed down, she insisted on helping Lisbon start planning the wedding immediately. She went home at lunchtime to fetch a large collection of wedding magazines, catalogues, and samples. Lisbon agreed to have a quick look but soon found herself drawn in with a sort of morbid fascination at the sheer frivolity and excess associated with modern weddings.

Cho and Rigsby watched them in bemusement. "Did you know she had all that wedding stuff?" Cho whispered.

"No, I had no idea!" Rigsby replied. He had the haunted look of a man who just realised he'd had a narrow escape. "I hate to think how much it all costs!"

"Nothing is too expensive if it makes my darling Teresa happy," Jane stated, walking in with Lisbon's favourite coffee.

"Cut it out, Jane," she said automatically. "I don't need any of this fussy, overpriced paraphernalia. Just a small wedding on the beach will be fine."

"I'm sorry to burst your bubble my dear, but this is going to be a high-profile event. You don't want to offend people by leaving them off the guest list or skimping on the catering."

"_Now_ you're worried about offending people?" Lisbon looked at the stack of magazines in growing horror. "I don't even know how to organise a big wedding!"

"I'll do it for you!" Van-Pelt offered. "Make me your maid-of-honour and I'll handle everything. So long as I don't have to wear pink," she added cautiously.

Hightower suddenly appeared in the doorway and beckoned at them. "Lisbon. Jane. My office please."

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Lisbon felt like she had been called into the principal's office. Hightower glared at them.

"What part of 'break-up' do you two not understand?" she demanded.

"All of it, apparently," Jane shrugged.

"Sorry ma'am, it just kind of happened," Lisbon said self-consciously.

Hightower sighed. "Technically I can't stop you from doing this, of course. But I hope you know what you're doing."

"Yes ma'am."

"Alright, you can go." Hightower dismissed them with a gesture. "I'll give you the details of the florist I used for my wedding. He is a genius."

"Thank-you, Madelaine," Jane said warmly.

"I expect to receive an invitation, of course."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Lisbon was surprised at how fast the news spread. People kept calling to congratulate her, even the mayor's personal assistant. The local newspaper featured an article about them on the second page, titled "_Psychic consultant Patrick Jane to marry local detective!"_ The photo was hideous; she looked like a startled possum. The photographer had surprised them on the street but Jane still managed to look perfectly composed with a big smile and his arm around her shoulders.

Lisbon realised she had better hurry up and call her brothers before they heard it from someone else first.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

"You're _marrying_ the consultant?" Tommy asked in disbelief.

"Yes, that's right," she replied calmly.

"But you _hate _him. You said he is irresponsible, annoying, and doesn't think about anyone but himself!"

Lisbon winced. She didn't think Tommy had actually been paying attention when she ranted about work. "I may have… exaggerated a bit."

"So he didn't almost get you fired?"

"Yes, but he didn't mean to," she said defensively. "The important thing is that I love him and he makes me very happy."

"Who are you and what have you done with my sister?"

Lisbon had hoped she could persuade her brothers that they didn't need to come to the wedding but they all insisted they wouldn't miss it for anything. And she couldn't exactly tell them the truth. She eventually hung up the phone and sighed.

Jane appeared in her doorway fresh from the shower wearing only a towel. "Don't worry about it Teresa, I'm sure they'll like me when they meet me."

Lisbon snorted. "You had better hope so. Who do you think taught me to fight?" She threw his boxer shorts at him.

Jane had the presence of mind to look slightly worried for a minute. But then he dropped his towel and climbed onto the bed beside her. "Then I'll try very hard to make sure they see how happy I make you."

Lisbon ran her hands through his damp blond curls and down the smooth, tanned skin of his chest. She never got tired of doing that. "I can think of a few ways you could make me happy right now," she suggested.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Jane was drying himself when he heard Lisbon talking to someone on the phone. He crept closer to the bedroom to listen. If she didn't want him to hear, she would have closed the door after all.

He heard her tell Tommy she loved him, Patrick, and it caused an unexpected thrill. They hadn't actually said the "L" word before. Not for the first time, he wondered how to define what their real relationship was. A monogamous friendship with benefits? He decided it was easier not to think about it. They could figure it out if and when they caught Red John.

He heard Lisbon hang up the phone. Relieved, he entered the room. It was a bit chilly to stand around eavesdropping in a damp towel.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

The wedding date was to be October, a little over three months away. Time passed quickly and true to her word, Van-Pelt organised everything with great efficiency and attention to detail. She ran everything past Jane and Lisbon first, but they came to trust her impeccable taste. Lisbon also admired the way Jane kept a straight face when Grace presented him with yet another invoice. She didn't know how much Jane was worth but he didn't seem at all worried about the cost.

Lisbon spent a whole day trying on wedding dresses with Van-Pelt and a couple of girlfriends. The hours past in a blur of white taffeta, organza, satin and lace.

"This one seems nice," Lisbon said desperately. In truth it looked just like all the others she had tried on, but by that stage she would have said anything to make it end.

The other women made appreciative noises but Van-Pelt frowned. "No, it makes your armpits look saggy. You really want to stay away from the strapless styles."

"Van-Pelt!" Lisbon gasped.

"Sorry, boss. But you wanted my honest opinion."

Lisbon sighed and took it off. She picked out another dress. This one had a pleated bodice with diamante detail on the straps and below the bodice. The skirt was long and sheer and showed off her trim figure to perfection. She had to admit this dress gave her a much perkier silhouette.

"It's perfect!" Grace squealed.

"You look like a modern-day Artemis," agreed the sales assistant.

"Great, but I'm not swapping my gun for a bow and arrows," Lisbon said. "How much is this anyway?" She peered around looking for a price tag.

"Don't worry about that," Van-Pelt said quickly. "Jane can handle it."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

The venue was to be a country church with a grand old hotel next door where they would have the reception. The guest list ballooned to a couple of hundred people and included many from the CBI and the Mayor's office. Officials who had previously lodged formal complaints about Patrick Jane were surprisingly eager to attend his wedding. Perhaps they thought Lisbon would finally get him under control. They would be disappointed.

The big day dawned blue and shiny and Lisbon woke up in her hotel room with major butterflies in her stomach. If ever Red John was going to make a move, it would be today. Cho and Rigsby had taken Jane to the bar for his stag party last night. She hoped they returned at a reasonable hour and didn't drink too much. At least Cho was the sensible type and wouldn't let things get out of hand.

There was a knock at the door and Van-Pelt bustled into the room looking particularly cheerful. She stopped and gasped in horror when she saw Lisbon. "You're still in bed! Come on, the hair stylist will be here any minute."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

"Cho! Cho! Cho! Cho!" The crowd cheered him on as agent Cho did yet another body shot off the scantily-clad pole dancer.

Jane watched in amusement. He didn't expect Kimball to be the life of the party. If Jane hadn't used sleight-of-hand tricks to empty his own shot glasses he would be just as drunk as the rest of them. The rest of them, except for Rigsby of course. Wayne had only one beer and kept staring off into space with a morose expression on his face, his hand in a bowl of peanuts.

Rigsby sighed again. "I wonder what she's doing now," he said to no-one in particular.

"Probably personally checking each dress, flower arrangement and table setting," Jane replied.

Rigsby brightened. "Hey, maybe I should go help her!"

"Yes, maybe you should," Jane agreed. There was nothing like a wedding to heal old wounds. Or create new ones. Cho was getting a bit too friendly with the pole dancer and Jane realised he had better get the best man back to his room before he did something he'd regret.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

With two hours to go until the big event, Lisbon's nerves were stretched to breaking point. Her hair and makeup were done, she just had to put the dress on.

The constant giggling and gossiping of her brides maids were getting on her nerves. But she couldn't blame them, they didn't even know what was really going on. They all thought she should be absolutely _thrilled_ to be marrying the charming widower Patrick Jane. Which she might be, if she wasn't so worried about surviving the event. She had a small gun attached to her garter but that was scant comfort.

There was a sharp knock at the door and the women abruptly stopped chattering. The door opened to reveal a large man in uniform, with his cap in his hands. The local sheriff. He glanced around the room but didn't seem fazed by the profusion of dresses, makeup products and women in bathrobes.

"I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, ma'am," he said hesitantly.

"What happened?" Lisbon demanded.

"There's been a serious car accident, and I believe some of your wedding guests were involved."

"Oh no, how awful" Van-Pelt gasped.

"Yes," agreed the sheriff. "One of the victims is asking to see you."


	9. Chapter 9

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Chapter 9

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Lisbon whipped on a pair of pyjama pants and shoes under her bathrobe. Van-Pelt was already wearing her turquoise chiffon bridesmaid dress, so she just grabbed a pair of slippers and followed her boss.

Lisbon called Jane and he and the rest of the team met them in the lobby. The men rushed in wearing shiny black tuxedos.

"What's going on? Are you alright?" Jane asked anxiously, noticing the sheriff standing beside them.

"I'm fine," she reassured him. "One of the men from your stag party drove home still drunk this morning. They think he crossed the center line and hit another car head-on." Lisbon had learned this much from the sheriff, but didn't yet know who the drivers were.

"I'm so sorry boss," Cho was mortified. "I should have kept an eye on everyone".

"It's not your fault," Lisbon reassured him.

Van-Pelt informed all the guests and staff that the wedding would be delayed. The sheriff and his deputy drove them out to the crash site a few miles down the road. Jane reached over and held Lisbon's hand comfortingly.

"You look beautiful, by the way," he whispered.

Lisbon glanced down at her fluffy bathrobe and striped pyjama pants. "I do not," she scoffed.

"Well, I admit I was expecting a fancier dress but your face is radiant, my dear."

She smiled slightly and felt some of the tension disappear. But it returned when they arrived at the crash site.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

The country road was cordoned off and the mangled wreckage of two cars blocked the north-bound lane. A man sat on the grass blubbering while a paramedic held a blanket around his shoulders. He was a mess but didn't seem to be injured.

"I'm so sorry," he kept repeating. "I'll never drink again, I swear."

"I recognise him," said Lisbon. "Tim something-or-other, a lawyer?"

"Yes, that's right. He was the driver of the south-bound car," said the sheriff darkly. He obviously didn't have much sympathy for drunk drivers.

"Who is the other guy then?" Lisbon gestured at the other car wreck where men worked with bolt cutters to free the occupant. He was covered in blood and looked to be in bad shape, but was staring at Lisbon with a creepy intensity.

"We don't know," said the sheriff. "He wouldn't tell us anything except that he wants to talk to you two."

"Us?" Lisbon glanced at Jane, who was already walking over to the car. She hurried to catch up.

The man managed a pained smile as they approached, and he seemed to be having trouble breathing. He had a round, babyish face, with eyes too close together and a too-small chin. His hair was a mousey brown and thinning at the temples. No-one, not even his own mother, would have described him as attractive.

"Patrick and Teresa," he acknowledged. His voice was soft and high-pitched, though his injuries seemed to make it difficult to talk.

Jane stiffened. "I remember that voice," he exclaimed. "It's Red John!"

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Lisbon stared at the ugly little man in shock.

"Yes, I am the one you call Red John," he explained laboriously. "I just wanted to see you one last time. I was looking forward to your wedding but now, it seems, I won't be able to make it."

He looked down at his own blood-covered torso. "Such an ignoble defeat!" The injured man closed his eyes as if to rest.

Lisbon suddenly realised he had stopped breathing. The officers redoubled their efforts to prise open the car and finally pulled him out. It was obvious his lower torso was crushed and he'd suffered terrible internal injuries. A paramedic administered CPR but it was useless, he was far too badly injured to be revived.

Lisbon held tight to Jane's arm. "Is it true? Is that really Red John?"

Jane stared at the body. "Yes, it is," he said with a sense of wonder in his voice. "Do you know what this means? Red John is dead!" He hugged her, and then rushed over to hug the drunk driver as well. "Red John is dead!" he repeated.

Lisbon didn't know what to think. She turned around and saw the rest of the team standing back. "Search that car," she ordered briskly.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

A couple of hours later, Red John was zipped up in a body bag. Jane insisted on checking periodically, but he was definitely stone cold dead.

The contents of the car had been catalogued and they couldn't make head nor tails of it.

"We found a copy of the directions to your wedding," Rigsby said, holding a list. "Maybe he planned to crash the party."

Lisbon nodded and he continued. "There was no ID on him, only a couple of hundred dollars cash and a pocket knife. In the trunk of his rental car we found a wool blanket, a canister of helium gas, two rolls of duct tape, a George Foreman grill, some PVC pipe, a tin of red paint, a sombrero, and a box of pop-tarts."

Lisbon looked at the list in bewilderment. "What the hell?"

Rigsby shrugged. "Don't ask me what he was planning. Jane?"

Jane stared at the list as well. "I have no idea," he admitted. "But I don't think it matters now."

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Jane followed Lisbon back to her room at the hotel and sat on the bed beside her.

"I still can't believe he was killed by a drunk driver," she said. "What an anti-climax."

"It's the total opposite of what he would have wanted," Jane agreed cheerfully.

Lisbon stared at him suspiciously. "You're taking this remarkably well."

"Why shouldn't I be happy? Now that he's gone we can live happily ever after!"

Lisbon sighed. "I hope so. But now we have to explain to a couple of hundred guests that the wedding is cancelled."

"Why?"

"What do you mean, _why_? The operation is over. There is no reason to the have the wedding now." Lisbon tried to be brave but she felt her heart shrivel up and die just a little.

"Of course there is a reason." Jane stared into her eyes earnestly. "I _love you."_

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Jane was exhilarated that his arch-enemy was finally dead, even a bit relieved that he didn't have to do it himself. But now he was left in a rather awkward position with Lisbon. He had to admit to her, and himself, that he had an ulterior motive for proposing.

"I love you," he repeated and was rewarded when her face lit up. But she wasn't totally convinced.

"I don't believe you," she insisted. "We've been acting the part for so long that it's screwing with your head."

"No. I was never pretending with you. And you weren't pretending either. You're not that good an actor."

Lisbon blushed but he noticed she didn't even try to deny it.

"What about agent Perry? If I had let you work with her, would you be marrying her right now?"

"Meh, that never would have happened. I only mentioned her to make sure you would insist on taking the part."

Lisbon growled and smacked him on the arm. She never liked being manipulated. "Ok, so let's say I believe you're in love with me. There's still no need to rush into getting married."

"_Please _Teresa. Everything is organised, the guests are waiting, and you have the perfect dress. Do you really want to have to plan a whole new wedding in another year or so?"

Lisbon blanched. "God, no."

"Then let's do this. Marry me today and I swear you'll never regret it. I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy."

She bit her lip thoughtfully but Jane knew he had already won her over.

"If I marry you, will you promise to behave at work?" she demanded.

"We both know I would be lying if I promised that. And you wouldn't have it any other way," he said smugly.

"You ass," she said affectionately. Lisbon stood up and walked over to the mirror to check her hair and makeup. But she needn't have worried. There was so much hairspray on her head it would have survived a tornado.

"You had better go get Van-Pelt to help me put on the dress."

Jane jumped up, a huge grin almost splitting his face in two. They were getting married. He yanked open the door and almost tripped over someone who had her ear against it. "Grace," he exclaimed. "Just the woman I was looking for." He hauled her into the room and then left to find his best man.

He took off down the corridor but soon encountered another obstacle. Three dark-haired men who looked eerily familiar. One of them glared and blocked his path. "You must be the Lisbons," Jane said cheerfully.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Lisbon entered the church with a brother on each arm, and one just behind. It saved arguing over who was going to give her away. They still seemed suspicious of Jane, but at least they were trying to be supportive.

The aisles were packed with colleagues, friends, acquaintances and distant cousins. Grace Van-Pelt and the florist had really outdone themselves; the church looked like a tropical paradise with exotic flowers everywhere. Her own bouquet was a cascading arrangement of white lilies.

Van-Pelt looked exceptionally lovely standing beside the groom and best man. Rigsby, who was sitting in the front row, couldn't seem to keep his eyes off her. Lisbon didn't begrudge her the attention. She had worked so hard to pull the wedding off and deserved some glory. Jane had an idiotic grin on his face and even Cho was smiling.

The only time Lisbon felt nervous was when the minister asked if there was anyone who knew of a reason why they could not be married. She looked at senior agent Hightower and held her breath. But the woman just smiled and said nothing. Maybe she had known all along that it was more than just an undercover operation.

Then, just like that, they were married. Jane kissed her passionately, just longer than was strictly decent. There were whistles and cat-calls from the audience, and a protective glare from Tommy.

Lisbon threw her bouquet into the air. The other bridesmaids scrambled but it landed straight in Van-Pelt's long arms. She lifted her head and smiled shyly at Rigsby through the crowd. He met her gaze and grinned back. Apparently, Wayne had gotten over his anxiety about weddings.

They crossed the road to the reception and Jane checked his watch. "We've got five hours until our flight leaves," he informed Lisbon.

"What flight?" she asked.

"The flight for our honeymoon in Europe, of course."

"You booked a honeymoon?" Lisbon knew she shouldn't be surprised at anything Jane did anymore, but at least this was a nice surprise. "But I haven't arranged for any time off work."

"Don't worry, it's all sorted," Jane reassured her. He noticed Hightower looking in their direction and waved. She scowled and held up something which looked suspiciously like hastily-scrawled request for a month's leave.

"How did you know I always wanted to go to Europe?" Lisbon asked.

Jane just smiled secretively and escorted her into the hotel ballroom where the party was getting started.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

_Author's note_

_Ok so I know it was a lame ending for Red John. But I didn't think he deserved a big show-down. There are also some missing scenes, like what happened with Rigsby and Van-Pelt before the wedding, and what Lisbon's brothers said to Jane. You'll just have to use your imagination because I'm out of ideas. Stay tuned for the epilogue and thanks for the reviews, I love reading them._


	10. Epilogue

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Epilogue

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Lisbon walked through the CBI parking lot, her arm inter-twined with Jane's.

They had used their time in Europe to really get to know each other, with no more secrets, pretences, or fear of being spied upon. Lisbon had thought she would never get tired of Paris but Venice and Tuscany were just as amazing. She felt relaxed and happy but nonetheless was itching to get back to work.

Lots of people welcomed them back as they entered the office. Oddly enough, Van-Pelt was standing at a window and making funny faces at something outside. She came running over to give Lisbon a big hug when she finally noticed them.

"Where are Cho and Rigsby?" Lisbon asked. The agents' desks looked surprisingly clean – and unused.

"Oh, they're around," Van-Pelt replied evasively. "Senior agent Hightower wanted to talk with you first thing."

Hightower greeted them warmly in her office. "Welcome back, agent Lisbon. Or is it agent Jane now?"

"No, I'm keeping my name," Lisbon informed her. Jane nodded in agreement.

"Very well. There have been a few changes while you were away. I promoted agent Cho to head up a new special crime unit," she informed them. "I hope you will give him whatever support he needs in the new role."

"Of course," said Lisbon automatically. She would miss having Cho on the team but he deserved the promotion and she was happy for him. "What about agent Rigsby?"

"Agent Rigsby is no longer with us. He took a position with AXA Insurance as an arson investigator. I tried to offer him a raise but he said the private sector pays better and there are…personal reasons as well."

"Isn't AXA based in that building across the road?" Jane asked. Hightower nodded. That explained Van-Pelt's fascination with the window.

Hightower also told them that Cho's team tracked down Red John's residence and collected evidence from the dead man's apartment. "You should take a look at it once you're settled in."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

"I'm gone one month and half my team disappears," Lisbon complained to Jane in the break room.

"It's nothing personal," Jane reassured her. "With Red John out of the way it's a good a time as any for change and new challenges."

"New challenges, huh. Like training up new agents to replace Cho and Rigsby?"

"Don't worry, I'll help," Jane said brightly.

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "That's what I'm afraid of."

Later that day they got Cho to show them the evidence his team had collected from Red John's place.

"You're not going to like this, boss," Cho warned her as he handed over a box.

"I can handle it. And I'm not your boss anymore."

Lisbon opened the box and found a large pile of photographs. They were all shots of her, some with Jane as well but mostly her. There were photos of Lisbon on the street, in her car, at restaurants, even in her apartment. It appeared they had been right to be paranoid.

"They covered the whole wall in Red John's living room. I'd say he was a little obsessed with you."

"God that's creepy," Lisbon shuddered.

Jane reached over and picked a photo out of the pile. "Hey, look at this one." It was a close-up of the marriage proposal in the park. Lisbon was clearly rolling her eyes in exasperation at the man kneeling in front her.

"What a classic. We have to take a copy of this," he exclaimed.

"We're _not_ keeping a photo taken by a serial killer," she said flatly.

"Actually, we think he hired a private investigator to take most of these pictures," reassured Cho.

"Whatever. I still don't want it. Did you find anything useful?"

"We did find several leads relating to old murder cases," said Cho seriously. "It's going to take us a while to tie up all the loose ends. Oh, and we also found boxes and boxes of pop-tarts. It seems he was a pop-tart addict."

Lisbon replaced the lid on the box. "Well, it appears you have everything under control. It's nearly dinner time. Shall we go, Patrick?"

"Of course, my dear." Jane used a sleight-of-hand trick to slip a photograph into his pocket. Then he followed his wife home.


End file.
